What I have learnt through Grief

This week is Grief awareness week. As you will know if you follow my blog this is a topic that is hugely important to me.

I hate that it has to be something that I feel, something that I have to experience and something that is constantly at the back of everything I do.

bloom blooming blossom blur
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

 

But I am so grateful for the support and love I have been shown because of my blog posts on the subject and the positive feedback I receive.

I don’t see that there will ever become a time where I don’t write about grief and loss because if I can share anything I have learnt during my own journey through grief that can then help someone else, this has to be a positive in what is otherwise a really sh!tty process.

 

red rose flowers bouquet on white surface beside spring book with click pen and cup of cofffee
Photo by Lum3n.com on Pexels.com

 

This time I wanted to look at all the things I have learnt since I lost my Mum. Putting this list together, it was clear that some of these things would be quite general and the case for most people, but grief affects us all so differently, I don’t think it would be fair to generalise.

This is why I have put together this post from my perspective, my grief journey.

 

 

The things I have learnt since I lost my Mum

 

-Life is never quite the same again

-It is OK to be sad

– You begin to question your own mortality – When will I die? What will get me? Can I feel a lump? What is that pain? I definitely have cancer! I won’t live past 63 because my Mum didn’t!

-You are constantly awaiting bad news

-It is OK to be happy

-No one can ever replace them

-You learn to love more

-You realise how short life really is

-You must take more photographs, when you lose someone you suddenly realise how little pictures you have of them, even if you have 1000’s!

-You suddenly understand how important it is to make the absolute most of every moment.

-There is no time limit to grief

-You can and will survive

-Life seems surreal on a regular basis

-You can’t always control it

-A picture can break you

-Guilt continues to hit you

-You constantly look for a sign that they are with you

-You replay those difficult times over and over again

-They are in all they loved and all they hated when they were alive

-Time suddenly seems the most important thing in the world

-Grief is not a constant state

-You want to live for them as well

-Grief is unique to you, it is different for everyone.

-Some memories of those last days begin to blur

-Your conversations still start with My Mum

-You want to talk about your loved one all the time

-From time to time you will completely close down

-You remember all the things they taught you

-It changes you

-You often forget they are not here still

-Triggers are everywhere

-Each significant date remains as painful, year after year.

-Unaffected people do move on, that is painful but understandable

-You feel defined by your grief – You are NOT!

 

And for now, that’s it. Although I am sure there is so much more for me to learn about this journey grief takes me on. Maybe some of these lessons will become less important to me over time.

I know this is a life long journey, You can’t lose someone as important as your Mum and not be forever affected by it. Accepting that is probably one of the most important lesson’s I have had to learn.

 

If you have lost someone important to you, what has it taught you? Is there any lesson’s I have missed or yet to learn?

 

 

 

 

62 thoughts on “What I have learnt through Grief

  1. I lost my mom ten years ago. I often think mom would like this. She would go with me there. She was always willing “let me get my coat”. So I always had someone who was up for anything. Life does change – doors close and others open. Yes to crying after ten years and yes to that being okay with that.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Sorry for your loss. 😦 One of the things that I learned is don’t expect one persons grief to be the same as yours was/is. Don’t judge them. As you said, we all experience it differently. HUGS!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I lost my mum too and other loved ones. And I’ve learnt to cherish every moment with your loved ones and let things go. I’ve learnt to have no regrets either so that I have positive memories. Thank you for such an inspirational and personal post!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I lost my mum 2.5 years ago to cancer. I realised that my best coping mechanism is to keep busy/keep planning things – don’t stand still for too long. I’m most vulnerable when I’m driving alone – a line in a song, or a memory causes the tears to flow. Seconds before I’m happy and laughing – it comes out of nowhere. I can’t visit her grave. I will at Christmas to take some flowers – but it’s the only visit until next year. I find that too hard. My dad and brothers keep the grave ‘nice’ so I know all is ok. The biggest thing I’ve learned is that time doesn’t heal. Things change, but the pain remains x

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I’ve never lost an immediate family member (yet), but I did lose two close coworkers within months of each other. They were people I saw everyday for almost 10 years. So it really hit home. I know what you mean about wanting to talk about them all the time and constantly thinking about when it will be my time. It sucks, but it’s part of living, and it teaches us about change and continuing on without the people we lost. Good luck to you in navigating through your grief.

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  6. i cannot ever imagine how will i cope if i ever lose my mum , i have lost my nana that i was close and the pain stayed with me for a very long time . kind regards Pati Robins

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  7. Amazing pot Claire. The work you do on grief is incredible – I’d love to see you take this even further. Perhaps an eBooks or something because you have such a level head and a fantastic way of getting things across – even to people like me who haven’t experienced grief to that degree xxx

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Oh no! I’m sorry for making you cry – not my intention 😂 But hope it was good tears! I really mean it though, think about it 💛 I think the publisher that’s publishing my book in September would definitely be interested xxx

        Liked by 1 person

  8. You always write so beautifully and honestly about grief, and always bring a tear to my eye. You’re an inspiration to many of us, even if sometimes you feel like you’re falling apart x

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I lost my Mom completely unexpectedly in July of this year.
    You listed many of the things I have too learnt. But here are some more:
    -You never know what will or can happen from day to day.
    -Do all the things you want to do when you want to. Don’t put things off. There were tons of things I still wanted me and my Mom to do together.
    -Make your decisions YOUR decisions. Not to please others. Life is too short.
    -Its ok to want to be alone.
    -Keep your Mother’s memory alive through photos, things she would do or say, wearing her clothes or her jewelry, doing her favorite things.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent must be incredibly hard. I think you’ve touched on some really important subjects here, like your grief does not define you. Loss can make a lot of people feel as though it does and you talking about it, publicly like this, I hope it helps to change some minds.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Oh Claire. This was a very hard post for me to read because I lost my mother to cancer many years ago. Everything you say is so spot on. Particuarly the point about a photo having the ability to break you, albeit temporarily. There are so many things my mother missed out on and I sometimes still feel absolute rage that she was taken away in such a horrible fashion before she had the chance to meet her grand-daughter and enjoy her hard eared and much deserved retirement. Thank you for writing this post, I’m crying as I type this, because it’s so rare to find someone who knows and can put down in words how raw this kind of grief can be. Beautiful post, and I’m so very sorry for your loss too. Lisa xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  12. These ring so true, especially the one about how few pictures you actually have of your loved ones. I used to take pictures of family and friends all the time, even to the point of annoying them (it was high school, so…). But now, as more loved ones pass away, I’m realizing I need to start making this a priority again. Thank you for your vulnerability and sharing this list. I know it is so difficult, but I hope the grief gets a little easier for you each day.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Grief is certainly a learning process and one that takes a while and never really goes – I lost my Dad is very sudden circumstances when I was 19yrs old and he loved music and I find when a song comes on that he used to play that gets me every time

    Laura x

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Such a lovely post. I’m lucky in that I haven’t lost anyone close to me yet. My partner has lost his Mum though and I’m sure he would agree with all of the points

    Like

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