This week is Grief awareness week. As you will know if you follow my blog this is a topic that is hugely important to me.
I hate that it has to be something that I feel, something that I have to experience and something that is constantly at the back of everything I do.
But I am so grateful for the support and love I have been shown because of my blog posts on the subject and the positive feedback I receive.
I don’t see that there will ever become a time where I don’t write about grief and loss because if I can share anything I have learnt during my own journey through grief that can then help someone else, this has to be a positive in what is otherwise a really sh!tty process.
This time I wanted to look at all the things I have learnt since I lost my Mum. Putting this list together, it was clear that some of these things would be quite general and the case for most people, but grief affects us all so differently, I don’t think it would be fair to generalise.
This is why I have put together this post from my perspective, my grief journey.
The things I have learnt since I lost my Mum
-Life is never quite the same again
-It is OK to be sad
– You begin to question your own mortality – When will I die? What will get me? Can I feel a lump? What is that pain? I definitely have cancer! I won’t live past 63 because my Mum didn’t!
-You are constantly awaiting bad news
-It is OK to be happy
-No one can ever replace them
-You learn to love more
-You realise how short life really is
-You must take more photographs, when you lose someone you suddenly realise how little pictures you have of them, even if you have 1000’s!
-You suddenly understand how important it is to make the absolute most of every moment.
-There is no time limit to grief
-You can and will survive
-Life seems surreal on a regular basis
-You can’t always control it
-A picture can break you
-Guilt continues to hit you
-You constantly look for a sign that they are with you
-You replay those difficult times over and over again
-They are in all they loved and all they hated when they were alive
-Time suddenly seems the most important thing in the world
-Grief is not a constant state
-You want to live for them as well
-Grief is unique to you, it is different for everyone.
-Some memories of those last days begin to blur
-Your conversations still start with My Mum
-You want to talk about your loved one all the time
-From time to time you will completely close down
-You remember all the things they taught you
-It changes you
-You often forget they are not here still
-Triggers are everywhere
-Each significant date remains as painful, year after year.
-Unaffected people do move on, that is painful but understandable
-You feel defined by your grief – You are NOT!
And for now, that’s it. Although I am sure there is so much more for me to learn about this journey grief takes me on. Maybe some of these lessons will become less important to me over time.
I know this is a life long journey, You can’t lose someone as important as your Mum and not be forever affected by it. Accepting that is probably one of the most important lesson’s I have had to learn.
If you have lost someone important to you, what has it taught you? Is there any lesson’s I have missed or yet to learn?